Cant Wait to Go!

Base: Cafe Coming Out Forum
Date: Sun, 03 Mar 1996 04:13:32 GMT
From: Unknown (tarzan)

    I was just reading the postings of what other people have
gone through, and it made me want to tell my story. I wish i 
could say the things other people have said but my story is a
depressing one. There is no happy ending, although there just
might be.

    I knew i was bi when i was about 10 or when i started thinking
about sex. I found out i liked guys more than girls when i 
would j/o and come up with stories to turn me on (you know
what i mean). Anyway, i would think of having sex with guys and
what i would do to them. I did what worked and it worked. 

    I wish i could say i had a experience when i was little but
i didnt. No.....yes i did but it was a one time thing. It was
at a pool and i was about 5 or 6 three girls, my age came up
to me and draped a towel over us so no one would see what we
were doing. We all undressed and one of the girls asked me if
she could touch my dick. I said sure so we just started touching
eachother. I cant say it brought me any pleassur though.

    Back to my original story. I was so interested with the 
net when it came to my house. My friend next door told me about
how you could talk to anyone you wanted on the net. So i went on
and looked for chat rooms, I was in there for a while when i 
started to think about my gay side. So i started to look for gay
sites on the net and i found some. First i started looking for
gay sex pictures on the net to give me pleassure, and it did.
then i really knew i was gay. Then i started to look for someone
to talk to on the net that was gay, and i found them. I thought
i had killed what was bothering me but after a week of cybersex
it had come back to me so i went to phone sex. The same thing 
happend to me with that. I did find a real good friend though.
We would stay up all night talking about what sexy erotic things
we would do to each other if we were living close by. I still
have that friend now but we reallized that it would never happen.

     Durring that period of talking to him i started feeling
reall depressed. I had never feelt this way but it was comeing
to me and it was as big as life. When i would get off the phone
with him i would get so depressed. I thought about why i was
depressed and this was why. I despretly wanted someone to love,
hold, have fun with, and have sex with. But more than that i
wanted just to have fun with him. I really wanted someone to just
be open with and the only person i could do that with was a 
boyfriend. I had girlfriends before but i didnt click. I knew
what i wanted and it was eating me up inside. It still is.

     The other thing that was riping me up was the fact that i
really wasent free. I would find myself thinking about how im
geting tired of my parent. They would get me so mad, just by
the littlest things they would do. It was driving me crazy. I wanted
to get out of there so bad it hurt. I wanted to have the freedom
of going when ever you want, doing what ever you want and just
having funn with people and not having to think if your parents
are going to be home tonight? It was reall bad. My life was
a living HELL.     

     I did find another gay friend that told me to go to a
gay suport group. I havent gone yet but right now im in a 
living hell.

     So now im coming out, and i cant wait to go.
   

1. Good to hear! (Unknown)

2. Frustration (Unknown)

4. Same Situation....With A Good Result! (Unknown)

1. to sue or not to sue (Unknown)

5. I understand your plight and Criticism of a response! (Unknown)