Be not affraid or judgmental - but do be honest with yourself.

Be not affraid or judgmental - but do be honest with yourself.

Base: Welcome to the Gay Cafe HyperNews Forum!
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Joining the pioneers (Unknown)
Re: Good question, but here is a tougher one!!! (Unknown)
Re: Question:

Bi-sexuals (Unknown)
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As Woody Allen says, "being bi doubles your chance for a date on Saturday night!" (Unknown)
Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 11:45:09 GMT
From: Unknown (rufus)

To come out or not is obviously a very personal decision. I applaud several of the earlier responders to this line of dialog who recognize and support others personal decisions. I know people who will not tolerate and cast aspersions on anyone who will not openly declare themselves.

I am a 62yo BiMWM business executive and prefer to keep my orientation to myself and a small group of select friends. The term friend has significant meaning and is very important to me. Each friend is aware of my personal situation A few have asked why I have chosen this path, I'm honest and open with them, and share my reasons. Others do not care to know my reasons. It is like any relationship as it positively progresses you want know different things about different people, that's part of what life is about.

I am at peace with myself. My wife, family and colleagues are not aware of this other me. I love and like them all.

Recently one of my friends asked a question that was very important to him. He wanted to know how I reacted to gay/fag jokes in an all straight group. I was a little surprised at the question. I told Al, you have seen my reaction to racial and ethinic jokes when we are with our friends, why do you think I would react differently to a gay-bashing joke with a straight crowd. He agreed,but. When I asked him about the "but', he said it was difficut to visualize someone standing up and being a wet blanket when everyone else in the group seems to think what was said was funny. Funny is one thing, we joke about our selves when we are together. Outside of our circle the same joke might be vicious and cruel. After further conversation we got to the real question. Al feels I lead two lives and he was wondering does that mean two different people. A truly incisive question. As I told Al, this is right up there with the meaning of life. My reaction is two lives yes, two people no, now I have a 'but'. I may be looking at myself through rose colored glasses. Al and I discussed his question, I wanted to have other inputs. The interesting part of all this is, by his own admission Al is not a very deep person. He has a great passion for living life on the edge (serious mountain, climbing, extreme sking) but among close friends he is a warm, loving individual who gives the greatest massages (that is another story). We discussed who would he recommend (no shrinks - we would not live long enough to get an answer) to give an opinion or offer some other thoughts on the subject. I must admit this query has me thinking. Could I really be two people and not know it?

I am a part time visiting lecturer at a university MBA program. Most of my students (about 75 - 3 classes) are in their late twenties or early thirties - very sharp, open minded and outspoken (oh are they outspoken), several years of business experience before returning to get their MBA, some married with families.

I posed Al's question (which, I and he now believes is more of a personal concern of his than a socialogial conundrum- he likes to be liked - who doesn't) to one of my classes. I purposely postioned the question over a long holiday weekend - with the following provisos they could elect how much time we would devote to discussing the replies, exploring other views of the question, the replies/questions could be written (attribution optional), oral or drop the subject altogether. The drop option was important - we were taking a detour from the course curriculum. During each semester I ususally program one or two diversions on subjects of importance, situations or subjects they might face once they leave the halls of ivy. For what its worth I felt this was a worth while agenda item.

First it was unanimous to go forward with the discussion. The discussions were very interesting and passionate (I'm sorry I did not tape it for transcription). I selected this class because of their diverse composition (sex, my view of their sexual orientation, ethnicity, color) and integrity. They take no prisoners.

I'm not sure if I was surprised at the results of the discussion, there was no debate, their independent thought processes came togehter as one. Without reservation they felt the same person could lead two (or more) lives with the same moral, ethical and commitment to both. The rationales were thought provoking -- a common theme was understanding and respecting a person's motive for the two private lives. They also felt for some or many people this would actually be a healthy life style. This last idea I have heard espoused at several social gatherings, which usually means it is self serving.

Enough, does anyone have other thoughts or opinions on this subject. Am I all wet? Is this a self serving conclusion? Why do I want to further with the question? Al says he is satisfied having heard from some of our friends and the results from the class. I think he has another 'but', and cannot formulate or express it clearly. I love him dearly and would like to help eliminate the last 'but', if that is possible.

Your thoughts, opinions and ideas are welcomed. And if you read this far thank you.

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