Some thoughts on your predicament.

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Re: Joining the pioneers (Unknown)
Re: Good question, but here is a tougher one!!! (Unknown)
Date: Mon, 08 Jan 1996 10:40:41 GMT
From: Unknown (Buckshot)

It must be a difficult decision for you. I feel that I was lucky. I was a little baby queer from the beginning. I used to get hot reading Superman Comics when I was 10. Still, even as a child, I knew that this was not public information. I tried coming out to my parents and that was a disaster. They were so full of denial that I just said "I was only foolin'" and they were happy as clams and the issue was never brought up again. That fucked me up for a long time because I was afraid that anyone (straight) that I confided in would leave me. Twenty years later, when my lover died of AIDS, they pretended that he didn't exist and never acknowledged my feelings. I used to be angry at them but that took too much energy. They just don't get it, and I'm not interested (or care enough, I guess) to try to take them through it. Now I don't give a fuck who knows. I have always been comfort- able with my sexuality (I am bi and also have relationships with women). It never crosses my mind that I've got a problem. My current lover has just come out to himself. He's bi but never had a relationship with a man before. He doesn't know a thing about "gay lifestyles" or stuff like that. He is just a regular guy (trailer park white trash, actually), places no value judgments on the behavior of others, enjoys sex at any time -- no guilt. After we got together, he just told every- one in his family about our relationship at the family's annual picnic! He never expected the people who love him to feel anything except happiness for his happiness. And, you know what? That's exactly what he got from them. Well now. There's his brother, who never held a dick in his hand, except his own. He visits often and feels very comfortable in our home, and we in his with his wife and kid. Two months ago, he was a little drunk or high or something and he grabs me and says "why didn't I meet you first?" Then he pulls my clothes off and goes down on me! And then, I fucked the shit out of him. I absolutely could not resist the big dude. You can imagine the transition this guy is going through. He feels safe in our house because he can be whatever he is, but he maintains great concern for his family. He loves them deeply and the fact that, every now and then he wants a little more meat up his butt, doesn't mean he loves them any less or wants to completely change his lifestyle. At least for the moment, our little party takes care of his needs for male sex and he does not seek out other men. (By the way, my lover knows about this and is not thrilled about me boffing his brother, but it is sexy thinking that this guy under me is my lover's brother. Hot.) But I digress. This guy is good looking,intelligent, a teacher, married, has a son, coach of his son's soccer team, a pillar in the community -- AND a complete fuck slut because he says it feels real good. He doesn't have a conflict because he doesn't see one. (Ignorance is bliss, everything in its own place, etc.) I think that if his wife confronted him he would tell her, but that's not going to happen unless he just gets completely hooked on dick. Right now he is just hooked on feeling good with someone he cares about. I'm sure your situation is not like his. You are looking for a change. And with change comes the sacrifice of the old. Even if your wife and child are understanding and stand by you, which I have a feeling they will, the relationship will be irrevocably altered. They could never come to a total understanding of what has happened to you. They will, however, accept you completely, without reservations, as most people who love you will. If you have a need to be open with them, then bite the bullet and start the process. It will work out well because it always does when you live your true life.

1. Untitled (Unknown)